If you know me at all, you know that I like to have some control over things in my life. Over the last few weeks I have been reminded that I do not have full control over anything.
Coming back from Knoxville, my roommate and I had to begin looking for a new place to live. We drove around for 2 hours calling every number that seemed like a fit for us. We found a house, looked at it, and signed an application within an hour of seeing it. For most people they thought we were crazy but we have had a house taken from under us before so we knew to act fast. Within the next 24hrs we had the house. Things were going smoothly. We were showing our current house and within 2 days of the posting we had people calling. With our landlord out of the country it was hard but we made it all work. We found someone willing to take the end of our current lease but we ran into a problem. We tried moving our move in date up and no matter what we have done it has not worked out. We are back to our original move in date which lead to much frustration this week. We have had our entire house packed expecting to move early only to find out the AC broke so we can't move yet. We have been living at a friends house for a week while they were gone on vacation and now it is on to the parents house, no not mine they live too far away. It is out of our control and we quickly learned that.
My OCD is in full force controlling the one thing I can, my first grade classroom. I have been working hard on getting prepared for what will hopefully be the best year yet. I am looping with my students, which means taking my sweet little Kindergarteners to First Grade with me. We even get to stay in the same room. This makes it easier because I already know where I want to place things and how I want to set things up. If you know me even slightly, you know I love to be organized and color coded. Everything has a place in my classroom and my students know that. You'd be surprised how well 5 year olds have functioned in my classroom. They have learned a lot about responsibility. I have so much prepared that I just want to get into my classroom and get busy. Next Tuesday, I have to lead a training on Promethean Boards which should go well. I love my board and do not know what I'd do without one. Uh oh, the technology is actually kind of controlling... yes it has not worked before and I was not sure what to do, again lost control.
Another thing I really cannot control is my health. So far things have been going well, not great but good enough for me. My health is a constant battle but I have learned how to deal with it, not control it. I have never (and probably never will completely,) understood why I am going through all of this. I have asked myself the question, "Why me?" I do not have an answer but I am learning a little bit about why. I do not blog for any real reason. I just love to write and feel like maybe somebody will get something from it if they happen to read my blog. Just that is happening, people are finding out that I have the different health conditions and come to me with questions. At this point with my health, I am very grateful to have an opportunity to share my ups and downs about the different conditions with people. It has given me an opportunity to share my story and help others get through the difficult days. A friend from high school and I have gotten the chance to talk more because of a health condition that many do not understand.
On another note, life is taking turns in every direction. I am going to try letting go and letting God lead in my relationships. Although I am happy single, it would be nice to have someone to share the ups and downs of life with. I am getting to that point where everything else is how it is going to be for now. I am happy with my career and living situation for the time being. If I happen to move to somewhere nice and quiet, that would be wonderful too. As 25 is coming quickly, I can only be happy with the here and now and not worry about a year from now.
Enjoy your weekend and remember that we really do not have control over anything.
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