What a crazy semester this has been. It is almost March and it feels like 2009 just started. I was so excited to start this semester with hopes that I would have more time. I think I was crazy when I was having those hopes. Little did I know that March would be upon us and I would be clinging to my life jacket praying that each day He renews my strength. Full time teaching (with no pay) plus a part time job plus medical problems plus trying to have a social life is quite the 4-ring circus I am living these days.
I would not trade my profession for anything even on the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad weeks. (Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day - children's book) The last week was an emotional roller coaster. My students, most of the 36, were having a bad week. The germs are being passed around like crazy and I'm hoping I don't catch them. Each student brings with them their own home life and whether good or bad, we all have bad days. I have to remind myself of that when I feel like screaming and telling them all to put their heads down and do nothing at all. Amazingly no matter how terrible my daily life seems, when I walk through the door I forget about all my troubles and I focus on those kids. I can have a terrible morning, which I've had, and those kids can make me forget about it all until I get into my car and realize it's back to my outside world. Break downs are common and sometimes much needed. I broke down and let it all out, everything I was holding inside. It felt great to let it all out.
My health for the most part has been pretty calm. I've seen a few more doctors and gotten no answers but I'm okay with that. I'm okay with the fact that I have many symptoms all of which cannot give me a single diagnosis. The one who can give that diagnosis has chosen not to reveal it yet. I must be patient and remember HE IS IN CONTROL, not me. Like the title of my blog site, IN HIS PERFECT TIMING, everything will be revealed. These health problems have caused more than just medical related problems. It's emotionally draining, taken a toll on my relationship with God, and I've learned just what true friends are and why God gives and takes away. My relationship with God has gotten better but for a while I wanted nothing more than to give up and not seek God for his help. I knew all along, and still do, that he is helping me. It's just not the way I'd like it to be and I have learned to start becoming okay with that. Remember your Faith will remind you that He is in full control.
Thank you for the continued prayers and encouragement! I greatly appreciate each one! I'm looking forward to Spring Break in April and then graduation in May. Only 76 days until I walk across the stage to receive my Bachelor's degree. Then shortly (And I do mean shortly) after I will begin my Master's program. I'm eager to start and see what God has in store for the next chapter of my story. Each day my story changes and each day I have more that God has taught me. He is real and no matter how far I feel from Him, I'm actually very close to him. When you realize you've fallen to your knees and are giving up, stop and pray because He will help you stand strong again ready for the battle.
Praying for you and hoping God will reveal himself to you this week. = )
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