He Knows My Name...

As I am laying here awake at 12:30am and I have to be up at 5:30am, I just couldn't help but posting what I was feeling after listening to a song on youtube that we sang in church on Sunday. The song is He Knows My Name ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXsiWoyjw60 ). You should check it out before or after reading. Since Sunday this song has been on the forefront of my mind and I can't help but thinking about the words. God knew my name before I was born, before I was even thought of. It is so hard to imagine that before time began my life was already in his hands. He knew the steps I would take and the place that I would be at this very minute. Every tear that has flowed down, he knows each one. He knows the thoughts I cannot convey to others and the ones that you wouldn't want anyone to know. Could you imagine if your best friend knew everything no matter what it was?

I've been struggling with several things over the last year and a half and the best thing is God knows everything. I don't have to worry about what if God knew, because he already does. He knows the very reason my tears fall and he knows every fear I have. He is simply waiting for me to completely surrender and realize that I cannot do it without him. A chapter of my life is about to close and a new chapter is about to begin. One filled with a full time job and grad school. How crazy that in these difficult times when I was so undeserving (like I am every day) that God would bless me with a full ride grant for grad school and a full time job that pays well and has benefits in an area I wanted. I feel so blessed and yet so worried about things that are out of my control. What am I worried about? Truthfully, I have no idea. I just have so many things going through my head that I simply cannot lay still long enough to fall asleep without another distraction.

I have amazing family and friends to celebrate these blessings with and yet something still feels incomplete. Thinking back to my last graduation from High School, I was fortunate to still have my great grandparents around. Over the course of the last two years I lost them. They are in the presence of the Lord celebrating this special time with me. It's hard to believe that 3 of my biggest fans and supporters are not here to cheer me on. I did not realize until now how much it is hitting me. I sent out thank you's/graduation announcements and thought about how I couldn't send one to them because they were not here. It wasn't until today that I really thought about it.

Here are the lyrics to the song that has started all of this blog. I hope you will enjoy them and check out the song.

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call