But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
As the last two and half weeks have flown by I have realized a lot. The verse above is one I have clung to, it's become more real to me. On August 14th I had an ulcer biopsied on my tongue. I had three stitches put in to help my tongue heal. I was not sure if this biopsy would show anything or not but it had to be done. It was my "last option" to see what is causing all of the ulcers. (as I type this I have eight ulcers in my mouth) On August 18th I sat patiently waiting for five hours to be seen at the doctor's office, thank goodness for free wireless internet. I was finally seen and the blood work results were shared. The doctor seemed certain it was an autoimmune disorder but was hoping the biopsy would clarify that. He started me on some new autoimmune medicine that is safe unlike a lot of the other ones. He said a good trial period for this medicine is three to six months. The biopsy results came back and nothing was shown. At first I thought, "well that was all for nothing" and then I realized it was for something. Had the biopsy not been done something could have gone untreated. The doctor encouraged me to try this new medicine to see if it will help. If it does then my days of illness could be minimized.
On August 19th I was scheduled to see the doctor for pain, like another cyst on my ovary. As my mom and I were walking from our cars to the building the phone rang. It was the phone call I was not prepared for, my great grandmother had passed away in her sleep Monday night. As I heard the news I could not help but cry. So I walk into the doctors office trying to hold back the tears but just couldn't help it. Every time things were quiet, I was alone, or someone asked how are you I burst into tears. I saw the doctor and heard the news I knew was coming but again wasn't so ready to hear. I had another cyst on my left ovary the size of an apricot. (yes I'm serious) As of now we are waiting until the middle of this month to see about surgery. If it is shrinking I will not need surgery but if it isn't then we will schedule surgery to remove the entire ovary.
Why do I write all of this, you might ask. It is to encourage each of you. My faith and trust in God has been tested to the limits over the last year. Not once have I ever understood completely what God is teaching me through all of this but I know it will all be worth it in the end. I have realized that through the trials, the hardships, the good times, and the "I wish I was hiding in a corner" times God is making me stronger. My faith in him has grown stronger than I could've imagined. I've learned to trust him with more than I ever thought was possible, and what I've trusted him with is my life. God knows far more about me and my life than I will ever know or understand. I hope that as I struggle and learn that you will be encouraged by what he is doing with my life.
I want to share with you a little about the woman I wish you could've met. My great grandmother, Nannie, was a woman who everyone looked up to. There was never a time you could question her faith because she was always sharing it or showing it. Everytime she met someone new the first thing she asked was "Do you know the Lord?" She was bold about her faith and wanted everyone to share in God's love. I didn't cry tears of sadness but rather tears of joy. It was hard to lose her and none of us were ready but she was and so was God. Nannie has been praying since May of last year,when her husband died, that the Lord would take her. She would tell me all the time, "I'm just ready to go home." It was tough to hear her say those words but I know she lived the life the Lord had intended for her. She passed away on what would've been her and Pop's 70th wedding anniversary. Instead of celebrating it alone she was celebrating with the Lord and Pop in Heaven. There isn't a question in my mind that she doesn't dance everyday up there. She loved to dance and was full of life until the day she died. Nannie was almost legally blind and had a hard time talking as the years passed. She is know full of life without pain in Heaven. Nannie was a prayer warrior, that is the hardest thing about losing her. She prayed everyday without ceasing for each family member and every other person she knew had a need. She would always tell me I'm praying for you and I hope you feel better. My grandmother told me just the other day that Nannie would cry when she got off the phone with me or she heard that I was sick again. She hated that I was sick but she knew the Lord was taking care of me.
I say all of this to encourage you. Her death was a challenge to me and probably every person she knew. I strive to pray more and not to cease. I strive to be bolder with my faith and make known that I am a follower of Christ. I don't have to say anything at all but my actions should show. I am praying for those in my life, and the needs that have been shared. I pray for the students and teachers I will work with starting on the 9th. If I can pray for you please let me know how.
The Lord is my strength! He is the only way I make it day to day without falling apart because of all that is happening.
No comments:
Post a Comment